a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize