So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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