I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
