Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
