Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
