I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
either way he was missing a nipple.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
