Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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