you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
