We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
