My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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