I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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