You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize