my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
