I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
