How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
