mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
