BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
