Swine flu. Run for my life!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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