if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
