Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
