This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
