Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
