Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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