All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
