I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
