he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
