Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So vagazzling was a success
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
