I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
