Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
