and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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