ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
