Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
