my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
