my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
