I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
