Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
