Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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