After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
