Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
