I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize