If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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