Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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