I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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