in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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