I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize