"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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