when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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