it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
