guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
