It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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