you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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