I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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