I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
