somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
