Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
