yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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