Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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