May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
