I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
