I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
