Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
