Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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