We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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