people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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