the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize