hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
